I’m undertaking a 1000-day reinvention project, blogging here daily to track my progress. In Friday Flash, I share an epiphany or aha moment from the past week.
Today: relinquishing excess stuff but also figuring out what kind of lifestyle I want to lead.
The psychology of the first half of life is driven by the fantasy of acquisition: gaining ego strength to deal with separation, separating from the overt domination of parents, acquiring a standing in the world, whether it be through property, relationship, or social function. But then the second half of life asks of us, and ultimately demands, relinquishment—relinquishment of identification with property, roles, status, provisional identities—and the embrace of other, inwardly confirmed values.
James Hollis, Finding Meaning in the Second Half of Life: How to Finally, Really Grow Up
Yesterday, my daughter and I made a trip to Goodwill. I had a trunkload full of old furniture I no longer wanted or needed. I’ve decided I’m going to make a Goodwill trip every Tuesday to begin a regular routine of decluttering and getting stuff I no longer need out of the house.
The biggest decluttering issue facing me: equipment and supplies from past hobbies, some of which I still do occasionally, and most of which I’m not ready to give up entirely. I did get rid of both of my pianos long ago but recently my mom was downsizing and gave me her electronic keyboard. And I have a big box of piano music to go with it. I have a guitar, guitar stands, guitar picks, and guitar music from when I learned to play that. I have a Nikon Z8, fancy strip lights, a high-end tripod, and good lenses for photography (mostly for photographing paintings). I have court shoes for pickleball, as well as a couple pickleball paddles. I have a frame backpack and a very warm sleeping bag for backcountry trips. I have swimsuits and swim caps, workout shoes and workout clothes, and of course all my ski gear. I have dog crates of many different sizes. And of course I have a studio full of canvases, frames, acrylic paint, brushes, and painting paraphernalia.
Many of these things were expensive. I have room to keep them all. Are they keeping me stuck though, thinking, “maybe I should take another guitar class at Swallow Hill,” or “maybe I should learn that Chopin Nocturne that I love so much,” or “maybe I ought to get into the painting studio and paint,” or “maybe I should adopt a small dog to go with medium-sized Bo and large-sized Sally.”
Sometimes I dream of selling this big house and moving into an apartment. I did that once, though, and ultimately I wasn’t happy as a renter living in a small place rather than a homeowner living in a large one. Yesterday, I was wandering around my house and a thought came into my mind,”I love my house! I love this life!” I’m not ready to relinquish the house yet.
acquiring more stuff after relinquishing some
After dropping off the furniture at Goodwill, my daughter and I went inside. I bought a new coffeemaker and an Instant Pot pressure/slow cooker. I already have an Instant Pot, but I lost the pressurizing lid in one of my moves. The new pot was just $20, whereas a new top is more than $40, so it’s a good deal. My $12 coffeemaker from Walmart had given up, so I bought a new Cuisinart model for $10. The new one is much fancier, with a lot of features like delay start, auto off, and a cleaning cycle. I’m running a vinegar-water mixture through it on clean right now to descale it.
I also bought a couple sleeveless tops to go with a beautiful linen skirt that my older daughter bought me for my birthday. I’ve found many nice quality, lightly used sleeveless date night / dress tops at Goodwill in the past. I can often find cute jeans there too. I almost never thrift tee shirts though because they get faded, misshapen, and full of holes too easily with wear. Sweaters as well are often better bought new.
Even as I eliminated stuff I brought more in!
I feel like saying here: I can afford to buy new if I want. I like buying at Goodwill because it’s cheap and it helps keep clothes and other items out of landfill. Being frugal is fun.
I’m chastising myself a bit for spending $20 on the Instant Pot, just for the top (though it’s a whole Instant Pot – and my old one was unusable as is). I could have waited for a discount on it (Goodwill discounts items according to their tag color each day, on a rotating schedule). I could have bought on Tuesday – senior discount day, which I qualify for.
Do I really need the Instant Pot? I could just do without it. However, my daughter and I want to try to make egg bites that are as good as the sous vide ones we get at Costco which cost more than a dollar each. They are such an easy and satisfying protein-filled meal.
I’ve recently been having eggs and black beans as my standard lunch. I’m learning towards vegetarianism lately. The idea of eating meat makes me sad and grosses me out a little. I’m imagining making Instant Pot egg bites with cheese and maybe caramelized onion, and then heating up my beans to go with them. That would be easier than scrambling eggs every day.
I think I’ll keep the Instant Pot for now.
Visualizing my ideal lifestyle
I just checked out the ebook version of Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up) from the library, for encouragement.
Kondo writes:
To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose. To get rid of what you no longer need is neither wasteful nor shaneful. Can you truthfully say that you treasure something buried so deeply in a closet or drawer that you have forgotten its existence? If things had feelings, they would certainly not be happy. Free them from the prison to which you have relegated them. Help them leave that deserted isle to which you have exiled them. Let them go, with gratitude. Not only you, but your things as well, will feel clear and refreshed when you are done tidying.
She also suggests setting a goal and visualizing the results before starting a full-house decluttering effort:
[Begin] by identifying your goal. There must have been some reason you picked up this book. What was it that motivated you to tidy in the first place? What do you hope to gain through tidying? Before you start getting rid of things, take the time to think this through carefully. This means visualizing the ideal lifestyle you dream of. If you skip this step, not only will it delay the whole process, but it will also put you at higher risk for rebound. Goals like “I want to live clutter-free” or “I want to be able to put things away” are too broad. You need to think much more deeply than that. Think in concrete terms so that you can vividly picture what it would be like to live in a clutter-free space.
I am very close to already living my ideal lifestyle. I’ve planted and curated a cottage garden out front. My backyard is lush with flowers too, and more too come later this summer. My house is clean and bright, with all-white walls (I had them painted before moving in three years ago). I have room for loved ones to stay, whether for a year or more or for a few days. My cats are happy with their towers and my dogs are happy with their beds and toys.
Kondo gives the example of one client who had the dream of living “a more feminine lifestyle.” For the client, this meant a bedroom as “tidy as a hotel suite” with a pink bedspread and a white antique-style lamp (see, decluttering doesn’t only involve relinquishment; it can involve acquisition too). The client said, “I would fall asleep with a feeling of unhurried spaciousness.”
I think I would live as a mountain grandma, similar to the coastal grandma aesthetic popularized a few years back. The linen skirt my daughter gave me is very coastal grandma.
Let’s make that mountain luxe grandma, because there’s nothing I love better than something luxe.
Actually let’s make it mountain luxe artist grandma, because my home will always be filled with art.
Do I need to add frugal to that too? I don’t think so, because a true mountain grandma doesn’t buy a lot of excess stuff, and knows how to make the most of what she does buy and have.
What I envision for mountain luxe artist grandma (MLAG):
- Her house features natural woods, stone, and plenty of light, with aspen and evergreen trees surrounding the house, visible through the sparklingly clean windows.
- MLAG has multiple guest rooms, always ready for guests, such as my older sister, coming for an impromptu visit this Sunday.
- MLAG’s textiles are cozy and would be right at home in a mountain cabin: quilts rather than duvets, floral cotton sheets (flannel in winter, percale in summer), fluffy throws in gold and cream and brown.
- Her furniture is feminine but sturdy and not at all precious: a cream leather reclining sofa, dark brown wicker bed, green velvet club chair with matching ottoman, espresso wood desk with a matching console, a big mango wood farm table.
- Her abstract art brings a sense of contemporary flair to the space. No paintings of bears or simple Colorado landscapes in her luxely-decorated home. Her abstracts feature sweeping slanting mountainous lines, black and silver structures suggesting ski lifts, metallics for gleam and glimmer, color schemes that combine the natural with the human-made.
- She is frugal. She doesn’t spend unnecessarily but only has those things she needs. She is not averse to spending money on quality items though. She has an eye for good things, which she finds thrifting or at cheap stores or sometimes at expensive. She loves Garnet HIll.
Hmmm I actually think Kondo is onto something with this idea of creating a concrete goal around the lifestyle you are hoping to lead via decluttering!