I didn’t know who I was going to become when I left my corporate technology job in April of 2024, more than two years ago. I did know that I wanted to become a new version of me, or maybe a different person altogether.
I wanted to do art, or maybe more precisely, I wanted to become an artist. I have fully realized that dream. I have completed a number of series at the boundary of conceptual and abstract art. I have sold my work and won awards. I understand the media I work with, and I have the skills I need in color theory, brushwork, and managing materials. I have exhibited in numerous group shows.
I haven’t done everything possible as an artist. I haven’t had a solo show, and I’m not represented by a gallery. I haven’t made any online sales as of yet, though I’m not ruling that out as a future direction and goal. I haven’t offered my art for sale in festivals and probably never will because I think the reality of it wouldn’t match the fantasy.
The most interesting thing that happened over these past two plus years was that I discovered myself to be, at heart, a conceptual artist: an artist who creates art of the mind. Or perhaps that’s not what I discovered but rather how I created myself, or the world created me, because I don’t think there was some essential part of me that was a conceptual artist and only needed to be brought forth. I believe that humans don’t excavate their selves but become themselves, dialogically with the world they find themselves thrown into. My temperament and my situation — the facticity of my life — interacted to produce a certain kind of artist, one who cares more about the meaning she expresses with her projects and the structure of how a project can express meaning than about the pure aesthetics and artistry of what results.
But I still want to make pretty things. As a girl, I loved pink and dresses and flowers. As a woman, I always want some bling on my ears or my fingers or my graphic tee. In my home, I favor cream-colored furniture, gold throws, fluffy ivory pillows, a soft yellow voile quilt from Garnet Hill on my bed.
I want to take that aesthetic and say something with it, because of it or in spite of it. I want people to look at my art and say, “Oooo I would love to hang that in my living room,” and then when they look closer realize it’s saying something profound and disturbing. And they think, “yes I want something stunning and profound and surprising.” They realize, “I don’t have to settle for mere beauty.”
That’s what I want to achieve as an artist.
Inspired by a call for entry
I’m ready to look for a new opportunity to inspire and direct my art. Perhaps another call for art?
SHIFT is a multidisciplinary juried exhibition that explores the many ways change moves through our lives. Some shifts arrive suddenly. Others unfold slowly. Opening in October, a month already full of transition, this show invites Colorado artists to share work that reflects movement, transformation, and the moments that nudge us into a new way of seeing or being. All 2D and 3D media are welcome.
And more info:
Artists are encouraged to interpret the theme in a way that feels true to their own experience. This might include the movement of the natural world, the evolution of identity, the energy of social or political engagement, or the internal moments when something realigns. All forms of 2D and 3D work are welcome, including painting, sculpture, photography, installation, mixed media, and digital formats.
I have an idea of an approach for this, and I ordered three 12″ x 36″ wood panels for the triptych I’m planning in response.
The panels won’t arrive until the 12th, so meanwhile I’m going to take a never-used 24″ x 30″ canvas and start another piece, in the same general vein, which I’m not going to reveal here yet.
Also this week
foster dogs
On Wednesday, I’m welcoming a new foster dog into the house, but just for a week while her official foster mama is taking a trip to visit family. The dog’s name is Daphne, and she’s just two years old. We’ll see how she does with bigger, older dogs and a couple cats in the mix.
She reminds me somehow of our old dog Lucy, a pointer mix who brought endless entertainment and love to my family, such as it was, during the years before and after my divorce.
options trading
I continue to FAFO with my options trading, for better or worse (mostly worse last week – not losing anything but also not taking advantage of the incredible returned euphoria), and will do some more of that next week. I trust that my strategy is improving as is my ability to execute on it.
I spent a couple hours yesterday making some financial projections and discussing Roth conversions, Medicare, and more with ChatGPT to ensure that I manage my money as well as possible as I leave middle age and enter what I would think of as young old age (in my sixties).
health
I’ve started getting to the gym every other day now that I’m beyond the surgical recoveries of 2026. My daughter and I plan to swim together next weekend. I’ve regained enough movement in my left shoulder to contemplate that again: Yay!
I had my first post-surgery optometry appointment last week. Vision in my left eye can still be corrected no better than 20/40 (improved from 20/150 right before surgery) and I still have quite a bit of metamorphopsia (wavy distortion). I hope that I’ll see continued improvement in the next few months.
home and garden
I’m contemplating a new garden project. Shortly after I moved in, I had a decrepit tree removed from the side lawn between my neighbor’s house and mine. Now it’s a big bare spot. Instead of trying to regrow grass, I’m thinking of turning it into a flower bed. I have tons of excess irises in my front yard bed, as well as catmint and daylilies that I can divide and transplant. The trick is to get all that grass out! My neighbor will probably keep his but I’d like to remove it from my half.
There’s something called “sheet mulching” I might use to smother the grass:
- Mow grass as low as possible
- Lay plain cardboard or multiple layers of newspapers, overlapping edges
- Wet the overlay with water so it stays in place and begins to break down
- Cover with mulch or compost – at least 2-3″ thick
- Wait a few weeks, or up to a season.
I’m thinking of transplanting irises into the bare spot and smothering the grass around it. Before that, I’ll install steel edging to define the bed along the property line, making sure my neighbor is in agreement. He always mows that lawn part of the lawn for me when he’s out and he even cuts back the bushes when they are too overgrown!
I am lucky to have such great neighbors.
television watching
My daughter and I are working our way through Game of Thrones, and really enjoying it. We’re also watching the latest Dancing with the Stars and DWTS: The Next Pro. On my own, I’ve been loving 100 Foot Wave, and so excited to see it has three seasons not just two! (I’m on season two). As a lifelong skier and one who has become far too daring for her own good, I can so relate to why surfers want to go out on the waves, at danger to themselves. I’m not a big waver surfer or a backcountry big powder skier, but I love to take it too far.
But seeing my accidents in the perspective of big wave skier accidents, I see it’s not that I’m wrong to have skied the way I did. I’m human. I’m a natural daredevil. I remember how I used to express myself in one dating bio: “I’m a physical and emotional risk taker. Always worked out, except that one time…”
Truthfully, there was more than once it didn’t work out!
On my next watchlist is DTF St Louis which I just read about in the New Yorker. I love Jason Bateman and Linda Cardellini, and I’m sure that any show they’d select will be dark, comedic, and surprising.
Plus it’s about middle-aged people seeking excitement. What could be more appropriate?
Dating
I’ve given up, but this past week I was really missing connecting with someone on that level, all those levels. I had to end the one possibility I had held onto for a long time, and I feel sad. I met someone in real life that attracted me, but how does one go about doing anything about that?
And meanwhile I miss people from my past.
Maybe in September I’ll try online dating apps again. I told my daughters, “I love September because it’s for getting serious. Summer is frivolous.” And what could be more serious than online dating?