I’m undertaking a 1000-day reinvention project, blogging here daily to track my progress. In Saturday Reflections, I take time out to reflect.
Thinking about the Nietzschean idea, as formulated by Katsafanas, that consciousness gives a selective, partial, and falsifying view of unconscious states. Consciousness, to Nietzsche (according to Katsafanas), is what has been conceptualized, while the unconscious remains unconceptualized.
My options wheeling feels like it has gotten a little out of control lately — and is driven by my unconscious more than my consciousness — as I fail to follow guidelines I set up for myself. I’ve been engaging in what some traders call “revenge trading.” That’s when things go against you and you try to make them up, often through trading you otherwise wouldn’t do.
The options trading I do is not entirely mechanized and rules-based. I have a lot of discretion in terms of selecting which tickers to sell puts on, at what delta (the probability the option will end in-the-money and will result in my buying of shares), and with what expiration and strike (which determine the delta, among other so-called greeks). After I’m in the position, my guidelines don’t give much flexibility. I just manage the campaign according to pretty strict rules from there.
I have set guidelines for myself around diversification and maximum risk per trade. But they mainly applied when I was wheeling ETFs for a time and I’ve lately gotten back into single ticker short puts.
My guidelines haven’t kept up with my trading. And that’s happening at a dangerous time in the markets.
My nonconceptual unconscious has seemed to be largely in charge lately. The feelings and worries I have after a poor September (one in which my P&L was flat to lightly negative, not significantly negative) after a really good August are in charge of my trading. That’s not good. That’s not the trader I want to be.
I go from unnamed feelings to ideas about trades to putting on a new campaign without stepping back to see if it makes sense. Or if it follows even my most general rules (which need more elaboration, clearly).
Meanwhile, I’ve been gaining weight. I weigh myself every morning because if I don’t keep watch I can easily gain 10 or 15 pounds without noticing until suddenly my favorite leggings feel tight around my middle.
I haven’t been following my eating guidelines, which call for two meals a day, generally low carb, and only eating in the window 9 am to 3 pm, otherwise fasting (resulting in an 18-hour fast). Again, it’s my unconscious in charge. I go from feeling hungry to grabbing a snack without any conceptualization or consciousness in between.
It’s my sense that if I can bring my feelings, whether about my money or about my hunger and energy levels, more into consciousness — if I can conceptualize them better — then I will be able to better explicitly follow rules I’ve set out for myself.
But I also need to come up with rules that work for me, whether that be for trading or eating. In both domains, I have a good start at guidelines and rules, and when I actually take the time to follow them, they work well for me. But I probably need to do more to bring them “top of mind” (make them conscious?) so that I don’t act unconsciously in ways that don’t serve me.